Understanding abuse means more than challenging assumptions — it means confronting misinformation. Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) is a form of domestic violence that often gets framed as a form of abuse where a man perpetrates violence against a white woman (Marrow et al., 2024). The reality of IPV is intersectional, involving people of all sorts of identities and genders. One group that is often overlooked or misunderstood when dealing with IPV would be trans people and the broader LGBTQ+ population. For me, this is personal, as a trans nonbinary person, and as a bisexual person who is a survivor of IPV. There are forms of abuse that trans people can go through without even realizing it is abuse (Messinger & Guadalupe-Diaz, 2020). I, too, did not know what constituted trans specific abuse until taking the Understanding Violence and Abuse in Adulthood class at Rutgers University.
In the interest of clarifying what constitutes transphobia-driven IPV, Maclin et al. (2024) discuss what types of abuse may be perpetrated, including misgendering, disrupting gender affirmation, belittling gender identity, and pressure to perform as their assigned sex at birth. When I learned that misgendering was abuse, I was shocked. I had told my partner years ago that I was nonbinary and go by they/them pronouns, and he refused, saying that wasn’t proper English. Furthermore, no matter how many times I requested that he respect my pronouns, he said he was too used to seeing me as female from growing up together. Another form of abuse my partner perpetrated was pressure to perform as my assigned sex at birth, by telling me that I wasn’t a good enough woman in different circumstances, and often calling me a good girl as a reward for approved behavior. When I cut my hair short as gender affirming care to look more masculine, he said I was lucky that he didn’t care about appearance. At the time, I didn’t know that these attacks on my gender identity were abuse. I’m sharing these experiences as a means of helping potential trans readers who don’t know what unhealthy relationships look like for a trans person.
Just like in a stereotypical IPV relationship where perpetrators threaten victims, in transphobia-driven IPV, perpetrators also threaten their trans partners. Messinger and Guadalupe-Diaz (2020) discuss how partners threaten to out transgender partners to deter them from seeking help. My ex-partner also threatened to out me as a trans person to my family, making me scared of what they might do. Still, I moved forward with my decision to leave him and respect my boundaries, my health, and my needs. So trans people have their emotional safety at risk because being outed can result in devastating consequences. Worse, there are cases where trans people report the abuse to police and end up arrested themselves because the police make assumptions that the trans person is the aggressor. Much like Shwayder (2013) discussed how police can arrest victims in same gender relationships, Messinger and Guadalupe-Diaz (2020) discuss how a similar outcome can result for trans people who try to get help from authorities. Trans people who are also LGB face mistreatment from multiple directions — by partners, by police, and by systems meant to help them.
Sexuality plays a role in IPV. Menning and Holtzman (2014) found that members of the LGB community are more vulnerable and more likely to be victims of sexual assault. Often, gay or bisexual males will be more likely to blame themselves to have some sense of control, but Menning and Holtzman (2014) find that makes them more susceptible to revictimization. This raises real concern that transgender people who are also LGB may face compounded vulnerability. An example of this is a trans woman who seeks shelter, not being able to get away from her female partner, who also joins the same shelter to follow her. This kind of occurrence, as discussed by Shwayder (2013), is one reason why interventions on behalf of LGBTQ+ individuals are nuanced and complicated.
There are some complications that are a result of gender role expectations or perceptions. For example, gay men may take a view of masculinity that justifies violence as part of being a man (Oliffe et al., 2014). This could be one reason why a gay transgender man may not recognize violence as being abusive. Another, more insidious perception of violence is that trans people may believe that IPV is gender affirming (Marrow et al., 2024). An example of this is an abuser being jealous and preventing a trans woman from leaving the house. The trans woman may perceive this abuse as how a man would typically treat a woman and feel gender affirmed by the behavior (Marrow et al., 2024). Another misinterpretation of abuse that can be gender affirming for a trans woman is if her partner beats her – then that can be perceived as being treated just like a woman (Marrow et al. 2024). Trans people are misgendered constantly in everyday life, by strangers, family, and institutions. The idea that abuse could at least meet their desire to be seen as they are on the inside is a sad testament to how transgender people desire to be seen as they identify. Blinded by behavior that seems like it is acceptance, victims may not understand that what is happening is abuse. In addition, they may also be resistant to reporting abuse or going to a shelter because of complications such as not being believed or discrimination from others (Messinger & Guadalupe-Diaz, 2020).
Thankfully, in my case, I did not need to go to a shelter. However, there is the reality that for nonbinary IPV victims who were assigned female at birth (AFAB) they are more likely to be psychologically abused, stalked, or forced to have sex (King et al., 2021). Unfortunately, I can confirm that I have experienced these forms of abuse as an AFAB nonbinary person. As a survivor integrating back into a healthier space, I may be perceived differently by bystanders. According to Yamawaki et al. (2012) there are domestic violence myths that can impact how victims are perceived by others. Leaving my ex and having gone through various types of abuse, bystanders such as family and friends may take a negative view. This is especially true in cases where the victim returns to the abuser, as I have done in the past (Yamawaki et al., 2012).
Transphobia-directed IPV is something that social workers and other public health professionals need to make people aware of. Educating people about LGBTQ+ IPV is also critical. If trans and LGBTQ+ folks don’t know what unhealthy relationships look like, they can be caught in abuse without knowing there is a better way to be treated. Furthermore, the public needs to be educated so that when a trans or LGBTQ+ person goes to the police, they are not arrested as well. Having the tools to better understand misconceptions about IPV can also prevent misinterpretations of IPV as gender affirming. We as a society need to treat transgender people better so that they are not so starved for gender affirmation that they seek it out in an abusive dynamic. Only through recognizing IPV as an intersectional occurrence will we be better equipped to deal with it when non-traditional forms of IPV arise. Personally, I intend to use platforms such as my blog and future credentials as an LCSW to join the ranks of those who work to educate others about the unique needs of the LGBTQ+ and trans community.
References
King, W. M., Restar, A., & Operario, D. (2021). Exploring multiple forms of intimate partner violence in a gender and racially/ethnically diverse sample of transgender adults. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 36(19-20), NP10477–NP10498. https://doi.org/10.1177/0886260519876024
Maclin, B. J., Peitzmeier, S., Krammer, N. K., Todd, K. P., Bonar, E. E., & Gamarel, K. E. (2024). Toward the conceptualization and measurement of transphobia-driven intimate partner violence. Social Science & Medicine, 341, Article 116532. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.socscimed.2023.116532
Marrow, E., Malik, M., Pantalone, D. W., & Peitzmeier, S. (2024). Power and control, resistance and survival: A systematic review and meta-synthesis of the qualitative literature on intimate partner violence against transgender individuals. Social Science & Medicine, 342, Article 116498. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.socscimed.2023.116498
Menning, C. L., & Holtzman, M. (2014). Processes and patterns in gay, lesbian, and bisexual sexual assault: A multimethodological assessment. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 29(6), 1071–1093. https://doi.org/10.1177/0886260513506056
Messinger, A. M., & Guadalupe-Diaz, X. L. (2020). The intersection of transphobia, human rights, and transgender intimate partner violence. In A. M. Messinger & X. L. Guadalupe-Diaz (Eds.), Transgender intimate partner violence: A comprehensive introduction (pp. 3–34). NYU Press. https://www.jstor.org/stable/j.ctv1sjwnw6.4
Oliffe, J. L., Han, C., Maria, E. S., Lohan, M., Howard, T., Stewart, D. E., & MacMillan, H. (2014). Gay men and intimate partner violence: A gender analysis. Sociology of Health & Illness, 36(4), 564–579. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-9566.12099
Shwayder, M. (2013, November 5). A same-sex domestic violence epidemic is silent. The Atlantic. https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/11/a-same-sex-domestic-violence-epidemic-is-silent/281131/
Yamawaki, N., Ochoa-Shipp, M., Pulsipher, C., Harlos, A., & Swindler, S. (2012). Perceptions of domestic violence: The effects of domestic violence myths, victim’s relationship with her abuser, and the decision to return to her abuser. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 27(16), 3195–3212. https://doi.org/10.1177/0886260512441253