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Medication For Chronic Mental Illness: Sacrificing Physical Health

One of the realities of having a disability is that the person is likely to have a chronic illness that requires medical management. For someone with schizoaffective disorder, this looks like ongoing medication, regular visits with a psychiatrist, and therapy.  If you don’t know, psychosis, such as hallucinations and delusions, may be controlled or prevented by this regular medication. The downside for people who take an antipsychotic would be the side effects. 

As an example, an antipsychotic can have the side effects of metabolic syndrome and even diabetes, depending on the side effects of that particular medication. In addition, people I spoke to who have bipolar disorder have said they gained more than 50 pounds on an antipsychotic. To avoid psychosis, unfortunately, it was worth it. 

A psychiatrist said there’s an alternative antipsychotic available, which could lead to weight loss, called Libalvi. Excited, I looked up the medication on my insurance provider’s website. The medication isn’t covered. It’s about $2000 for 30 pills. With coupons, a person might be able to get it for $1700. 

To see if there was a cheaper route to get the medication, I looked up the medication on Cost Plus Drugs by Mark Cuban. A pharmacy that sells medicine at lower costs. Unfortunately, they don’t carry it according to the website at the time of this post. That means that someone looking to take Libalvi may not be able to get it due to costs, and there is no recourse because the manufacturer has no incentive to make the medication accessible. Imagine being on a medication that can cause diabetes and severe weight gain, finding one that does not have that side effect, and then being unable to get it due to prohibitive costs.

Having a chronic mental illness leads to a lot of sacrifice. In some cases the loss of health and the threat of diabetes. Furthermore, patients may have to live with uncontrollable weight gain. Sometimes the side effects are so bad that a person may question their sanity for taking the medication; the irony is that they have no choice, as the medication is the only way to silence the psychosis.

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(Trigger Warning) Expanding the View of Intimate Partner Violence: A Trans and LGBTQ+ Lens

Understanding abuse means more than challenging assumptions — it means confronting misinformation. Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) is a form of domestic violence that often gets framed as a form of abuse where a man perpetrates violence against a white woman (Marrow et al., 2024). The reality of IPV is intersectional, involving people of all sorts of identities and genders. One group that is often overlooked or misunderstood when dealing with IPV would be trans people and the broader LGBTQ+ population. For me, this is personal, as a trans nonbinary person, and as a bisexual person who is a survivor of IPV. There are forms of abuse that trans people can go through without even realizing it is abuse (Messinger & Guadalupe-Diaz, 2020). I, too, did not know what constituted trans specific abuse until taking the Understanding Violence and Abuse in Adulthood class at Rutgers University.

In the interest of clarifying what constitutes transphobia-driven IPV, Maclin et al. (2024) discuss what types of abuse may be perpetrated, including misgendering, disrupting gender affirmation, belittling gender identity, and pressure to perform as their assigned sex at birth. When I learned that misgendering was abuse, I was shocked. I had told my partner years ago that I was nonbinary and go by they/them pronouns, and he refused, saying that wasn’t proper English. Furthermore, no matter how many times I requested that he respect my pronouns, he said he was too used to seeing me as female from growing up together. Another form of abuse my partner perpetrated was pressure to perform as my assigned sex at birth, by telling me that I wasn’t a good enough woman in different circumstances, and often calling me a good girl as a reward for approved behavior. When I cut my hair short as gender affirming care to look more masculine, he said I was lucky that he didn’t care about appearance. At the time, I didn’t know that these attacks on my gender identity were abuse. I’m sharing these experiences as a means of helping potential trans readers who don’t know what unhealthy relationships look like for a trans person.

Just like in a stereotypical IPV relationship where perpetrators threaten victims, in transphobia-driven IPV, perpetrators also threaten their trans partners. Messinger and Guadalupe-Diaz (2020) discuss how partners threaten to out transgender partners to deter them from seeking help. My ex-partner also threatened to out me as a trans person to my family, making me scared of what they might do. Still, I moved forward with my decision to leave him and respect my boundaries, my health, and my needs. So trans people have their emotional safety at risk because being outed can result in devastating consequences. Worse, there are cases where trans people report the abuse to police and end up arrested themselves because the police make assumptions that the trans person is the aggressor. Much like Shwayder (2013) discussed how police can arrest victims in same gender relationships, Messinger and Guadalupe-Diaz (2020) discuss how a similar outcome can result for trans people who try to get help from authorities. Trans people who are also LGB face mistreatment from multiple directions — by partners, by police, and by systems meant to help them.

Sexuality plays a role in IPV. Menning and Holtzman (2014) found that members of the LGB community are more vulnerable and more likely to be victims of sexual assault. Often, gay or bisexual males will be more likely to blame themselves to have some sense of control, but Menning and Holtzman (2014) find that makes them more susceptible to revictimization. This raises real concern that transgender people who are also LGB may face compounded vulnerability. An example of this is a trans woman who seeks shelter, not being able to get away from her female partner, who also joins the same shelter to follow her. This kind of occurrence, as discussed by Shwayder (2013), is one reason why interventions on behalf of LGBTQ+ individuals are nuanced and complicated.

There are some complications that are a result of gender role expectations or perceptions. For example, gay men may take a view of masculinity that justifies violence as part of being a man (Oliffe et al., 2014). This could be one reason why a gay transgender man may not recognize violence as being abusive. Another, more insidious perception of violence is that trans people may believe that IPV is gender affirming (Marrow et al., 2024). An example of this is an abuser being jealous and preventing a trans woman from leaving the house. The trans woman may perceive this abuse as how a man would typically treat a woman and feel gender affirmed by the behavior (Marrow et al., 2024). Another misinterpretation of abuse that can be gender affirming for a trans woman is if her partner beats her – then that can be perceived as being treated just like a woman (Marrow et al. 2024). Trans people are misgendered constantly in everyday life, by strangers, family, and institutions. The idea that abuse could at least meet their desire to be seen as they are on the inside is a sad testament to how transgender people desire to be seen as they identify. Blinded by behavior that seems like it is acceptance, victims may not understand that what is happening is abuse. In addition, they may also be resistant to reporting abuse or going to a shelter because of complications such as not being believed or discrimination from others (Messinger & Guadalupe-Diaz, 2020).

Thankfully, in my case, I did not need to go to a shelter. However, there is the reality that for nonbinary IPV victims who were assigned female at birth (AFAB) they are more likely to be psychologically abused, stalked, or forced to have sex (King et al., 2021). Unfortunately, I can confirm that I have experienced these forms of abuse as an AFAB nonbinary person. As a survivor integrating back into a healthier space, I may be perceived differently by bystanders. According to Yamawaki et al. (2012) there are domestic violence myths that can impact how victims are perceived by others. Leaving my ex and having gone through various types of abuse, bystanders such as family and friends may take a negative view. This is especially true in cases where the victim returns to the abuser, as I have done in the past (Yamawaki et al., 2012).

            Transphobia-directed IPV is something that social workers and other public health professionals need to make people aware of. Educating people about LGBTQ+ IPV is also critical. If trans and LGBTQ+ folks don’t know what unhealthy relationships look like, they can be caught in abuse without knowing there is a better way to be treated. Furthermore, the public needs to be educated so that when a trans or LGBTQ+ person goes to the police, they are not arrested as well. Having the tools to better understand misconceptions about IPV can also prevent misinterpretations of IPV as gender affirming. We as a society need to treat transgender people better so that they are not so starved for gender affirmation that they seek it out in an abusive dynamic. Only through recognizing IPV as an intersectional occurrence will we be better equipped to deal with it when non-traditional forms of IPV arise. Personally, I intend to use platforms such as my blog and future credentials as an LCSW to join the ranks of those who work to educate others about the unique needs of the LGBTQ+ and trans community.

References

King, W. M., Restar, A., & Operario, D. (2021). Exploring multiple forms of intimate partner violence in a gender and racially/ethnically diverse sample of transgender adults. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 36(19-20), NP10477–NP10498. https://doi.org/10.1177/0886260519876024

Maclin, B. J., Peitzmeier, S., Krammer, N. K., Todd, K. P., Bonar, E. E., & Gamarel, K. E. (2024). Toward the conceptualization and measurement of transphobia-driven intimate partner violence. Social Science & Medicine, 341, Article 116532. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.socscimed.2023.116532

Marrow, E., Malik, M., Pantalone, D. W., & Peitzmeier, S. (2024). Power and control, resistance and survival: A systematic review and meta-synthesis of the qualitative literature on intimate partner violence against transgender individuals. Social Science & Medicine, 342, Article 116498. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.socscimed.2023.116498

Menning, C. L., & Holtzman, M. (2014). Processes and patterns in gay, lesbian, and bisexual sexual assault: A multimethodological assessment. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 29(6), 1071–1093. https://doi.org/10.1177/0886260513506056

Messinger, A. M., & Guadalupe-Diaz, X. L. (2020). The intersection of transphobia, human rights, and transgender intimate partner violence. In A. M. Messinger & X. L. Guadalupe-Diaz (Eds.), Transgender intimate partner violence: A comprehensive introduction (pp. 3–34). NYU Press. https://www.jstor.org/stable/j.ctv1sjwnw6.4

Oliffe, J. L., Han, C., Maria, E. S., Lohan, M., Howard, T., Stewart, D. E., & MacMillan, H. (2014). Gay men and intimate partner violence: A gender analysis. Sociology of Health & Illness, 36(4), 564–579. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-9566.12099

Shwayder, M. (2013, November 5). A same-sex domestic violence epidemic is silent. The Atlantic. https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/11/a-same-sex-domestic-violence-epidemic-is-silent/281131/

Yamawaki, N., Ochoa-Shipp, M., Pulsipher, C., Harlos, A., & Swindler, S. (2012). Perceptions of domestic violence: The effects of domestic violence myths, victim’s relationship with her abuser, and the decision to return to her abuser. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 27(16), 3195–3212. https://doi.org/10.1177/0886260512441253

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Strategies for How to Cope with Time Blindness

Time blindness is a condition where the individual does not have an internal clock or is unaware of the passage of time. This can lead to individuals being late as they don’t realize how much time has passed. A client of mine who had autism and ADHD suffered from severe time blindness. My role was to help this client I will call Jay (using a pseudonym to protect their identity) stop being late to work and late from break. They worked at a retail store that tracked reliability. Jay had a score of 92% reliability when we started meeting. Their boss had already pulled them aside to let them know if they were late again they would be fired. 

My first step with Jay was to assess how they managed their time, what routines they followed, and if they had any assistive devices in use. Jay told me that their mother or a family member would wake them up for work. They did not wear a watch. They also said they tend to lay in bed for a while before getting up. 

I also spoke to Jay’s mother who said that Jay had a tendency to do morning activities slowly, not noticing how much time passes when they eat breakfast, take a shower, or slowly get up. She said she had to keep intervening to get Jay to speed up. 

To make matters worse Jay did not tell their employer they had a job coach and had lied about having a disability by saying they didn’t have one. Therefore I was not able to go to their job in person to assist them. 

Therefore my main approach was coaching. I gave Jay some strategies for being more timely. First I told Jay if they were going to lay in bed for an hour then they had to set their alarm earlier to help them be on time. I also told Jay that maybe it would be better to shower at night so they did not have to worry about showering before work which could save them time. 

I told Jay to set multiple alarms,  one to wake up and one to get out of bed. With this advice Jay improved a little.  They were able to get to work within the grace period. However, one day they went to the bathroom and were away from their register for over 20 minutes.  Jay had OCD as well and had a compulsion to search for something on their phone. 

Jay was reprimanded and the incident was brought to my attention by Jay’s mother who had begun actively collaborating with me on the interventions I devised for Jay. During our next coaching session I told Jay that they should either use a watch or phone to set alarms when they go on break so they do not lose track of time. 

Eventually I was able to help them decide to ask for accommodations from their employer. I explained that accommodating time blindness is not a reasonable accommodation as stores need dependable employees. According to the ADA employers must make an effort to make reasonable accommodations that won’t hurt the business so putting up with someone who is time blind by letting them be late to work is not a reasonable accommodation as it hurts the business. However,  we could request for clocks to be placed in all break spaces,  for the manager to remind Jay of breaks, and for their schedule to be more consistent so they develop a habit of being ready on time. With Jay and their mother’s approval I drafted an accommodation request. I explained that a doctor’s note would also need to be obtained.

It turned out that installing a clock in the bathroom was not something the employer wanted to do. However, they did accept the accommodation request and the supervisor did help Jay with timing for breaks and reminding them to keep track of time. With the request in place the employer was aware of Jay’s difficulty and made efforts to accommodate them. 

I made sure to tell Jay that they had to be on time as they could still get fired.  I told Jay to think of their phone as an assistive device. Set alarms and timers any time they need a break or when they need to get ready in the morning. Jay had not thought of using their phone alarms and timers to track time before that. I also said that they can make a song in their head about keeping track of time that they can think of every time they go on break. I told them they could change the words to a Lady Gaga song to have a catchy tune to remind them. Using music as a memory cue is a great way to work through remembering important details. The idea was to have a reminder of the need to set timers in order not to be late.

Jay took my advice. They also made changes one step at a time. The first change was to set alarms and get up earlier. I told them to focus on one improvement at a time and develop a habit. Jay did this and eventually saw a steady increase in their reliability score. All my advice and interventions worked out over time. Jay’s reliability score went from 92% to 99% under my guidance. Jay ultimately kept their job. Furthermore, Jay developed lifelong time management skills that will aid them wherever they end up working and in their personal life as well.

Have you struggled with time blindness or had a client who did? If so, how did you combat it? 

If you’re an employment specialist or job coach, what accommodations have worked for your clients?

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The Ethics of Mandated Reporting

the thinker statue near buildings under blue sky

Navigating client confidentiality is a balance between respecting privacy and maintaining safety. I always thought that I wouldn’t deal with reporting someone as a threat until much later in my career. I’m a social work student and a social work intern so I thought I wouldn’t come across an instance of threat to harm until I graduated. In the course of my work as an employment specialist I came across a situation where I needed to report a client. 

I had a client make a bomb threat during a phone session when I was coaching him about his job. Immediately I told him I was a mandated reporter. When our call ended I contacted my boss to explain what happened. She agreed that I should report his threat to the police. Although I was not acting as a therapist, I still had mandated reporting responsibilities in my role as an employment specialist.

I called and reported the threat to his local police station. They did a wellness check. Later on I would learn that my client went to the hospital. I was certain my client would hate me for notifying the police. But weeks later he contacted me and expressed his thanks. He had been off medication and needed the hospitalization to stabilize. 

Reflecting now on what happened I see that even when someone is a threat to others they are still in need as individuals. We don’t know what state of crisis they are in to go so far as to threaten others. A social worker’s responsibility is to protect those who would be harmed but also the person threatening to do the harm. Maybe in their right mind that person wouldn’t threaten anyone. By reporting the threat we are helping even when the client doesn’t see that. 

I had established a rapport with that client. We developed a relationship of trust. Although it felt like I was breaking confidentiality, I was acting within its ethical limits, which require reporting when there is a credible threat of harm. Confidentiality never supersedes the threat to self or others. Despite that as a future clinician I felt horrible about making that phone call to the police. My client was a good man and would never in his right mind threaten anyone, but I couldn’t take the risk that he would make good on his threat. So I made the call and felt relief and fear. Relief because I knew he won’t carry out his threat. Fear because I feared losing my client. Then there was the fear of retaliation. What if my client wanted to find me and get revenge for getting him in trouble? These were worries that made what I had to do all the more uncomfortable.

In the end my fears were unfounded, but that doesn’t mean that they couldn’t be realized in another case of mandated reporting. As a person in human services I take a risk by dealing with people. Even more so when I do become a therapist and help people with mental illness. However, I also always remind myself that I too have trauma and I too suffer from mental illness. People are capable of recovery and they deserve the intervention that mandated reporting provides. This experience taught me that ethical decision-making is rarely comfortable, but discomfort can be a sign that we are taking our responsibility to others seriously.

Have you ever faced an ethical dilemma involving mandated reporting? How did you navigate it?

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Is My Spirit Guide a Sign of Psychosis?

When considering mental illness diagnosis practitioners are cautioned to consider that some symptoms are a reflection of cultural spiritual practices. I embraced this perspective in my teenage years until now. I’m a pagan and believe in spiritual occurrences but it’s hard to tell what’s spiritual versus psychosis. So I found myself questioning what to tell my psychiatrist about. The reality hit me when I realized that maybe regular thoughts could be part of Psychosis. For example, I’ve had two spirit guides since I was a child. A male angel and a female entity. The male never gave me a name but he often says things that I experience as a silent internal thought. One day he encouraged me while I was driving that everything would be okay. It hit me that I experienced the thought as inside me but coming from someone else.  I realized the key difference between this and the auditory hallucinations I experienced in 2020 was that the thought couldn’t be heard out loud.

Flabbergasted that I had never thought of it before I went to my online schizoaffective help group and asked them if internal thoughts count as psychosis. They told me about internal psychosis. I then told myself I should tell my psychiatrist. If you’re experiencing thoughts that are intrusive or thoughts from another person. Even if you’re not hearing them out loud this can be a sign of psychosis.

With this new understanding I realized I had been experiencing psychosis since childhood. I had intrusive thoughts back then as a small child. It wasn’t until I was a teenager that I had my guide start talking to me. Now that I am an adult and on effective medication. I rarely have internal hallucinations. I mostly just have intrusive thoughts I have to reframe or try to curb.

Ultimately if you’re spiritual it’s still wise to tell your psychiatrist what symptoms you’re experiencing so the psychiatrist can determine whether it is psychosis not you. They’re the medical doctor who can determine if you need a medication adjustment or to start new medication.

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Victim Blaming Versus Strengths Based Care

A critical component of social work theory is the strengths-based perspective. Identifying client strengths and communicating those strengths to clients can be helpful. First of all, some clients come into therapy or group settings with cognitive distortions like “I’m a failure” and those thoughts can weigh them down. Second, sometimes clients can’t even see their good qualities.

Knowing your own strengths can be a source of hope. Maybe if you can do one thing right, you can do others. This line of thinking can help upend feelings of inadequacy. Social work theory approaches cases with this in mind. Identifying your strengths is a step towards achieving goals or healing. This is why even in my own therapy, I have appreciated having social workers as my therapists.

Back when I was living in Kissimmee, Florida, I found a psychologist with a PhD to give me therapy. She specialized in criminal psychology and worked with the local court as an expert. I only saw her for one visit. The reason why was when I told her I was a survivor of sexual abuse, she proceeded to explain that it was the victim’s fault. She said victims tend to walk and carry themselves in a way that suggests their vulnerability. She said criminals pick up those signs and go after them. Victim blaming from the therapy couch was a stance I never thought I would encounter from a secular psychologist, though being victim-blamed had happened to me before. 

The psychologist used behavior to explain the victim-perpetrator relationship. The thing is, behavior is only one piece of this complex relationship. The person-in-environment perspective that social work takes would posit that patriarchal society trains us to see women and other vulnerable populations as victims. The script tells us what to look for, even if that is not the case. For example, the psychologist claimed she was a strong woman who was never victimized because of her demeanor. However, there are stories of confident women who have been victimized. Women who dress conservatively or in an “unattractive” manner have been victimized. This particular psychologist didn’t look at the big picture – social structures, systems, and groups that oppress our clients.

I’m not claiming that all psychologists would victim-blame – there’s probably a social worker somewhere who has done the same – after all, humans are flawed. However, what I am saying is that this woman looked at behavior and the mind, whereas social workers are trained to look at that, but also look at the systems that interact with the client.  Social work looks at the problem and at the strengths of a client.

That way, when you come in for therapy, you’re not just being torn down or stressed out by all the fixing you have to do to get over your problems or phobias. The social worker tells you where you are doing well, what you bring to the table, and that’s the position I want to work from. Sure, we have our role to play in our problems, but there is more to us than our vulnerability and failure.

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The Beginning

My journey to becoming a social work student definitely wasn’t a straight line. In fact, I knew I wanted to be a therapist in high school and even thought I could be a psychologist. However, when it came time to choose psychology as a major I found out that Rutgers required Calculus at that time.  After failing pre-calculus I quietly changed my major to a double major in English and East Asian Languages and Area Studies. I studied three years of Mandarin, studied abroad in China,  and after I finished my bachelor’s went to live in China to teach English. 

Not long after, Rutgers dropped the calculus requirement. I was regretful, but ultimately too focused on trying to find a job after graduation. After returning from China, I made the decision to move to Florida, a decision I wish I had changed sooner. In Florida Rutgers was not recognized as the top school that it is. I struggled to find work and ended up a call center agent. Being yelled at wore on my psyche especially as a domestic violence survivor.

Counseling was how I dealt with the unprocessed trauma I experienced when I was in high school as well as work stress. It was tough coping with the new culture in Florida too. Jersey is unique with its inclusion and diversity and making the mistake of leaving helped me to see that clearly. In 2015 I met a counselor who was Latinx and helped me to understand my Puerto Rican family a little better. I also told her about how I had wanted to become a therapist. 

“Why don’t you become a social worker?” My counselor was smiling excitedly, leaning forward in her chair. 

“You can become a therapist that way?” I felt like I should have known this sooner, although I leaned forward taking on this new possibility.

“Yes you can, that’s what I did.” My counselor went on to say that the career was one of life long learning. She mentioned the person-in-environment perspective that is so crucial to what social workers do. For example, a person’s resources and life circumstances have a direct impact on their mental health. In my mind, I was already thinking, ‘Okay you already sold me on it, you don’t have to elaborate more.’ Despite my interest I didn’t apply because I was living in a poverty mindset. The student loans I had were such a huge chunk of my paycheck and I didn’t want to add more. 

Three years passed, in 2018 I applied to a social work program in Florida and got rejected because I didn’t have all the recommendations needed. I was disheartened and wondered how I’d ever get a career that would make me happy. Then in 2019, fed up with the crappy low wage jobs I suffered through, I packed up my little Ford Fiesta and moved back to New Jersey.

Within 2 to 3 weeks of moving I got a job as a personal assistant. I was no longer getting yelled at on the phone. Then, when covid hit in 2020, I got a job as a receptionist at a Japanese company in Somerset.  I was a proud employee there for three years.  I even got promoted to human resources assistant. I thought that I had found a career in human resources. I was helping people after all. However, something was missing. I thought maybe I needed to get a certificate or degree to get ahead. 

I enrolled in a SHRM-CP preparatory course to get certified and try to get a higher paying role. I also figured this would show me whether I had what it took to go get a master’s degree. I took the course and hated the content.  I couldn’t be more bored with the material.  I proved to myself with the high amount of reading and quizzes that I could go back to school.  However,  it was clear human resources wasn’t for me. I took the exam that had a 64% pass rate and passed. I knew without a shadow of doubt that I wanted a different career. Then I began my plans in 2024 to go to graduate school for social work. 

This time I had made great connections over the years and I was finally able to get all the recommendations I needed. I applied to two graduate programs Rutgers University and the University of New England. I got into both and after careful consideration picked Rutgers. I started in the fall of 2024. I finished my undergraduate program in 2011. After years of being out of school I got back into the swing of it and aced my fall and spring semester.  Now I just finished the fall semester of 2025 and I’m in my first internship. I am proud to be a social worker student. 

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Vampire in Space Chapter 1: Alone

My eyes opened, the sound of the drone bringing me my morning paste an itch in my ears. “Hello,” I said to the mindless drone. The starlight was distant but illuminated my cell well enough that I could see the cache where the paste was deposited. The door opened and I grabbed the paste. This would happen twice more. As it had every day. I floated over the tiny door and opened the paste. I ate it and thought of the blood I used to drink every day. I know the paste contains the necessary nutrients for me to survive in this hell. However, I missed meat. I missed the hunt. There was no excitement when my food came to me. I took another bite of the paste, the bland flavor laving over my tongue.  Tears formed in my eyes. The paste had no taste, the paste couldn’t be meat, because I lost the ability to eat what I chose freely. I thanked the gods that no one could see me cry. That I was isolated in my moment of weakness. 

Hovering over the door I released my paste tube to the cache so it can be collected later. The drone is the closest thing I have to a companion in my floating prison. I affectionately call him Xanon after the vampire warlord. I’ve seen the drone go from my cube to other cubes in the distant lattice work that is the floating prison. There is no one to feast upon. No one to kill. Xanon doesn’t speak back to me when I address him. It has become my custom to say hello to Xanon. I hate to say goodbye so I don’t. There is nothing left for me but to stare and search for the other sentient beings imprisoned here. I wonder what they have named their drones. I wonder what their blood would taste like on my tongue.

I am Ela, even suspended here without prey. What does it even mean to be Ela anymore? If I were free would I rampage again? I’d be afraid to. I would do anything not to be locked up here. Maybe even just drink the blood of volunteers rather than going after any being and killing them to drink their blood. I laughed at the thought. Volunteers? To feed a mass murderer. Heh, how I’ve evolved. Such a realistic vision. Maybe I would make friends, perish the thought. Actually talk to some people. I’m full of jokes today, clearly. Who would want to talk to me? Even my own kind would reject me for my excessive violence. Even now I miss the feel of broken bones beneath my hands. I miss the taste of ravaged blood spilling from open wounds. No, wait, I can’t do that. I’m making a deal, my freedom for my complete upstanding behavior. You hear that gods? I’m making a deal no more murder just set me free.

Floating in space with the endless black expanse, my only blanket. The stars, the nightlights that help me see in my dungeon. I’m weak without the blood that gives me strength. How many years have I been isolated? I don’t even know the name of my prison. From my floating position I count five ships near the field of cubes this prison holds. They hover over us, perhaps enjoying the view. I can’t see the prisoners next to me.They are specks in a vast field. A ship hovers over my cube. Close enough that I can see the pilot through the window. Oh what I would give to drink his blood.

A door opens in the ship revealing the docking bay. A crane lowers and attaches to my cube. I am rocked back and forth as the cube is pulled upwards. I float against the wall.  The docking bay closes and the ship engages warp drive to propel us far away from my prison. I remember my sentence. I was supposed to rot in that cube.

A woman dressed in a space suit approached my cube. I hissed at her on instinct. After all, why on Gnos would she capture a known mass murderer? 

“Now, now, is that how you say thank you for being rescued from prison? I have an offer for you.” She said in an authoritative voice.

Her language is Standard. I can speak it though my Rs roll and my Ss hiss. “What do you want from me?” I asked through my teeth, still floating in my cube.

“We want your skill set for taking down ships. You would be one of my crew and promise not to hurt anyone on board. In exchange you get to devour entire crews on enemy ships.”

“What authority allows you to pick me up?” I said, staring at her jugular.

“Ah, about that, we are a rebel ship. We acquired you less than legally.”She smiled with pride.

I crossed my arms and stifled another hiss.”So I could end up imprisoned or worse if we get caught?”

“Yes, but we will do everything we can not to get caught. Besides, isn’t it better than floating in space, vampire?”

“Okay, then just release me.” I smiled showing the tips of my fangs.

“You have to swear on your gods that you won’t hurt anyone on this ship. You do and we’ll put you right where we found you.”

“Fine, I won’t hurt your crew, I swear on the divines. I will need blood to survive though.” I lied. Though it was true blood was necessary to strengthen me.

“We can arrange a cup for you. So we have a deal that you will only rampage on ships we ask you to.”

“Yes yes human. Now let me out…please.”

With that she touched some mechanism on my cube. After inputting a code the lock sprung deactivating the shield. I also ceased floating. For the first time in years I set foot on the ground and stumbled. I had forgotten how to walk. I tried walking again but had to hold onto the wall.

“Please give me blood,” I looked at the woman who freed me. She should die for seeing me so weak.

“Come, I’ll help you.” She grabbed my side and supported me as we walked further into the ship. Embarrassment flooded through me like a wave, for being treated like some helpless person. The rest of the security detail walked around us. Guns at the ready.

We made it to the cafeteria where we each sat down. A man put a cup down in front of me. The metallic smell of human blood piqued my curiosity. I drank the contents quickly. More. I wanted so much more. I saw red before my eyes. The temptation to slaughter them all and feast on their blood made me dizzy with glee.

“Remember your control Ela. We are your allies, not food.” My bloodlust became a hum at the back of my head. People were staring at me. They must have known who I was.

“What is your name human?”

“I’m Brandy,” she signaled the man back over. At first he was hesitant and shook his head. He took the empty cup once Brandy insisted twice.

“Okay Brandy, who is my first target?”

“Straight to business then, I like it.”

Brandy leaned towards me. Her scent, pine trees and lemon. I swallowed convulsively, trying my best not to attack. After all, isolation was a horrible punishment, especially because I was denied blood. 

Brandy flicked open her wrist com and pulled up a ship schematic. “Here is your next target. The USJP is scheduled to dock in sector five at 0400 tomorrow. That is when you will enter the ship. We will give you fake credentials.”

“I’m going to need to drink more blood to pull this off.” I patted my hand where the cup of blood had been put down.

Brandy looked at the man who had deposited the blood, “How much more are you asking for?”

“Ten cups,” I said without a hint of greed in my eye, okay maybe a little.

“Two max, in the morning before you board the ship.” Brandy said, nodding at the man to leave.

“I guess I should go to sleep then. Where is my room?”

“About that. We didn’t have space in the living quarters.” Brandy rubbed the back of her head, “You will be sleeping in the brig.”

I nearly killed Brandy just based on principle. I made my hands into fists.

“You won’t lock me in right?”

Brandy smiled, “Of course not, it was totally our plan to let a mass murdering vampire roam free on our ship.” She gestured for me to follow and I did. She showed me my new cell.

”If you lock me in here, you’ll regret it.”

“What did I say about not threatening the crew?”

“You told me not to hurt them, but didn’t say anything about threatening them.”

“No threats either.”

“Understood, human.” I went into my cell and I heard the distinctive click of the lock being activated. I watched her walk away. The bed was at least covered with sheets and had a pillow. I didn’t have to float during my sleep. It took me hours to fall asleep. Being in an unfamiliar place, inside of a cell, and on top of that not floating made it hard to relax. I was used to being suspended in the air staring at the stars.

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Vampire in Space Part 4: The Trial

I laid on the cushions in my room and wondered what happened to the vampire and the Blue Robin. The Gorgots left me to my own devices so I called Tas using my wrist com. 

“This user is not available to speak. Please leave a message after the tone.” Beep.

“Hi Tas, it’s Adriel. Are you doing alright? Is the ship okay? Call me back when you get a chance.”

I flicked off my wrist com and sat up. It was time to find some food. I exited my room and made my way down the hall. I couldn’t read the signs around me so I was totally lost. I looked up how to say food on my wrist com. My arms couldn’t wiggle the way they needed to but I could make an approximation. I found the nearest Gorgot and moved my arms to say food. The Gorgot made a gesture that looked like a follow me gesture and walked away. I followed hoping I communicated the right thing. It was as we walked that Tas called me back.

“Hey Adriel, I’m sorry I missed your call. Is everything okay?”

“Yes but forget about me, how are you and the crew?”

“I apprehended the vampire.”

“You badass! You saved the ship.” I followed the Gorgot down a hallway with glass all the way around, it felt like walking through space. 

“We are transporting her to the Outer Rim where they’ll hold a trial.” Tas purred over the word trial. Anticipation evident in her tone.

Captain Wendel

I ignored the hail from the Blue Robin only to get hailed again. Reluctantly, I answered, “Hello this is Captain Wendel.”

“Hello this is Captain Ando.”

“How can I help you captain?” I cringed hoping he didn’t address my desertion after the vampire fled to his ship.

“We apprehended the vampire and would like you to participate in the legal proceedings.”

“Wow, you captured her…uh well I don’t think I can add anything of value.”

“You can, your ship was attacked like mine. You should seek justice. Unless you just want to run away.”

“If I never see that vampire again it will be too soon.” I crossed my arms and ignored the comment about running away. “Alright Captain Ando I’ll participate.”

“Good,” Captain Ando sent coordinates for the hearing.

The courtroom was on station Delta 39, a huge glass window looked straight into space. The judge sat on a raised chair with a huge desk made out of plexiglass. There was a large audience sitting in the gallery. Many of the people sitting in the gallery were survivors of the attacks. The vampire wore a translation collar around her neck. Her long black hair fell to her waist and her pale skin outlined her skinny form. The vampire spoke over the din of spectators. “Remove my shackles and I’ll kill you all.” A woman cried out, “oh!” Others simply laughed at the vampire who was in chains. After hearing the vampire’s threat all I could think about was the crew of my ship being terrorized. She would do it again, left to her own devices. I wrung my hands together not wanting to be anywhere near the vampire.

The judge banged their gavel, “I will have order in my court. Order, I say!” The room quieted down.

The vampire struggled against the restraints only to be electrocuted by the shackles. She squirmed in her seat. The judge looked at her directly, “Ela vampire from the world Gnos you are on trial for your crimes against the Starburst and Blue Robin. How do you plead?”

Ela scoffed, “Guilty and I’d do it again.”

No one spoke for a minute taking in her utter lack of remorse.

The judge countered, “Just like that you admit to murder and destruction of property? It is my duty to inform you that you are waiving the right to the trial and I can move forward based on your plea to sentence you.”

Ela hissed, “Get on with the sentence old man.”

The judge banged his gavel, “That’s enough out of you Ela. Now I want the testimony of the crew to help with deciding your fate.”

One by one stories were recounted of the death and carnage Ela was responsible for. Ela laughed as the most recent testimony recalled a beheading she managed with her bare hands. The judge asked for order. “It seems you’re incapable of empathy Ela. I’ve heard enough to pass judgment.”

Ela’s punishment was not conventional but reserved for the worst criminals. She was put in a transparent cage and left floating in space. The cube was under constant surveillance by the prison. The field of cubes was connected to the space station. The cube had a toilet that only functioned when she managed to sit on it. Gravity would temporarily turn on so she could go. Once she was done, gravity shut off. She could be seen in her cube by anyone flying by. Food was delivered three times a day in tubes that had little taste. The paste was made to stand up to the floating prison. She would throw out the remains in a trash compactor. Water was her source of hydration only during meal time. The tube was easy to rip too far open so the water sometimes floated in her cage.

Ela was stuck in space. No contact in her isolation with any living being. Blood was denied her so she grew pale and thin. Her mass decreased with time. There was no desire on her part to try to escape. After all, the only thing surrounding her was vast space.

Captain Wendel sat in the mess hall across from me. We were on the space station Delta 39 in the Outer Rim.

“Adriel, I’m happy to pay you for your time aboard the Starburst.”

“Thank you mam,” I scoffed down a spoonful of beef soup.

Captain Wendel wiped her face. “I’m glad to see that vampire in space.”

“Yes it was a fitting punishment.” I was glad she was no longer a threat.

END OF PROLOGUE

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Vampire in Space Part 3: Survivor

When my eyes finally opened the room spun in my vision. I tried to get up and felt sick so I laid back down. Alive, I took a deep breath. Now it was a matter of surviving. Eventually the vampire had to get tired or full at least. My hand went to my neck which was still wet with blood. I applied pressure to staunch the flow of blood. Another breath and I tried to get up again. Slowly I sat up. I looked around and the room spun slowly. I crawled over to the bed and forced myself up over the mattress. I sat up. Covered my eyes for a few moments. Then I tried standing, shaking. There were no supplies in the room to help with the blood loss. There was a sink however so I made my way over to drink some water. I cupped the water in my hands and took big gulps. I told myself the world wasn’t falling away as my head spun. Once my thirst was sated I went back to my bed uncaring that there was a gaping hole in my door. 

I laid in bed long enough to fall back asleep. The next time I woke there was a hand on my arm. I let out a gasp and opened my eyes to see Tas standing over me.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

Tas smiled, “I’m here to take you to an escape pod of course.”

I groaned as I sat up, “That’s kind of you. What’s the status of the attack?”

Tas’s smile vanished, “That vampire did a number on our guards and the crew. We’ve lost many. I couldn’t believe the amount of broken bodies I passed on the way here.”

“I guess I was lucky.” This was the second attack where I managed to survive. Tas said nothing. I stood up and together we made our way to the escape pods. This time I would refuse boarding any ships that crossed my path. I’ll fly straight home. A part of me wondered if I should try catching up to the Starburst instead. That was unlikely given the escape pod’s speed.

I made it to the escape pod and entered it quickly. Tas waved goodbye as I was launched from the side of the Blue Robin. My navigation was preset to head towards the Outer Rim. I couldn’t change the destination which was the opposite direction from home. My body was held in a standing position and the cushion behind my body gave me the sensation of laying down on a bed. Granted the cushions weren’t that soft.

As I drifted through space I contemplated whether the vampire was caught and whether the cargo on the Starburst would sell. My escape pod continued through the asteroid field. A ship larger than the Starburst came into view. It turned to go directly in my heading. I took a breath, willing the ship not to collide with my escape pod. The large ship with its foreign symbols on the side stopped and I saw a dock align with my trajectory. The captain didn’t even bother to hail me. My pod docked and sanispray decontaminated my escape pod and person. When I stepped into the new ship I was standing face to face with Gorgots. Their tentacles were high in the air making motions I couldn’t decipher. I only knew one gesture the Gorgots would understand and that was hello. They clucked by putting their suction cups together. I had no clue what they were saying. Afraid I would do something impolite I kept my arms at my side. One of them held up a little box and pressed its side. A light shown on its tentacles as it gesticulated. 

A translator’s voice came from the box, “Hello my name is Sun-ma. What is your name?”

“My name is Adriel.”

“Welcome aboard our ship. What happened to yours?”

“A vampire attack. She snuck into our ship while we were docked to another ship.” I left out the fact that it happened twice. The Gorgots discussed this revelation among themselves then turned back to me.

“You can rest in your room.” They led me to a small room with a tank of water.  There were cushions on the floor next to the tank.

“Thank you,” I said, not wanting to offend them. After they left I laid down on the cushions and stared at the ceiling.

“Tas?” I turned around. 

“Yes,” a crew member stood across from me holding an axe. Where on earth did he get that?

“It’s time to find an escape pod and go home.”

I smiled rather than hissing, “Thanks for the advice but I’m staying on board.”

“But-“

“No,” I interjected.”This is my home and I won’t abandon ship just because some monster thinks she can do what she wants.”

With that I walked away. While I walked calmly through the halls passengers ran by with packs in hand to leave the ship. I returned from my quarters with my bo staff. Who knew I’d be using it for something other than practice? Martial arts was an ancient discipline that I studied. That didn’t make me invincible but it did lend me some confidence. At the very least I could land a blow on the bitch. My tail twitched in discomfort. 

I made it to the bridge of the ship. The captain was speaking with the security chief.

“I want her captured and confined to the brig.”

“Yes, sir.” The chief security officer left. Captain Ando turned toward me. “Tas, what brings you?”

“I would like to help the security team capture the vampire.”

“You’re welcome to try though I prefer if you evacuate instead.”

“Thank you, captain.”

“Be careful Tas.”

“I will be.” I left the bridge and contacted the security chief to let him know I was going to help. The chief told me to go to the cafeteria level. The security officers were in two groups each at the entrance to the cafeteria. They gave me a pair of cuffs in case there was an opportunity to capture the vampire. There were still some straggling members of the ship that were eating before evacuating. A growl announced the arrival of the vampire. She didn’t waste time taking on security. She snapped the neck of one officer who pointed a gun at her. Fires were shot as the vampire used super speed to knock out each security officer that went to attack her. I stood ready with my bo staff. I waited until the vampire rushed to the opposite end of the cafeteria. Without hesitation I confronted her and landed a blow. The vampire grabbed the end of my staff and broke a piece off so there was a ragged edge. Even broken I lunged at her with the bo staff. She blocked my hit with one hand. With the other she grabbed a knife that was in her pocket and flung it at me. I dodged the knife just barely. It grazed my side. I hissed from the pain and leaped forward with my bo staff angled at her heart. The vampire leapt to the side, evading my blow. The security team surrounded us on all sides and began closing in on the vampire she twisted and landed blows on each approaching officer. They all fell. I was the only one left. I charged on the vampire after she felled the last officer. I managed to bury the broken bo staff into her torso. She screamed from the pain. I took the opportunity to grab cuffs and capture her wrists. She struggled against my hold but was defeated by the pain of twisting. I put the cuffs on her and then placed my hand on her shoulder. Time to bring her to the brig.